I obsessed about my flaws, looking for the smallest blemish.
Obsessed about finding every one, finding it, worrying about it
Worrying about what people thought about it..
Did people think it made me less worthy?
Could I do anything to correct it, hide it maybe?
I spent hours looking, analyzing, searching, seeking..
Then One day I found it.. the biggest flaw, the one perfect flaw.
In obsessing about my flaws and imperfections, In worrying about them endlessly..
I had forgotten on thing..
I had forgotten that inspite of all those flaws, all those blemishes, I was Precious..
I was a diamond..
Beautiful, priceless, wonderful
I had forgotten that those very flaws and imperfections had infact made me even more precious..
They had made me unique..
Now that I had found the one perfect flaw..I did not have to worry about the others..
Father had said he wanted to talk about his recent post -> In the loving memory of.. A Blog
He wondered what Father had to say .. especially because Father hadn’t sounded too pleased.
What you have seen as an end is actually a wonderful beginning father said to him as he entered.. Father never really had time for pleasantries.
Come with me father said to him, leading him outside to the dandelion plant in the garden. As he looked on father blew gently on a flower head and they both watched silently as the little florets flew away looking like tiny angels, as white as father’s flowing beard.
That’s what you do when you publish a post on your blog father said pointing to the little white fluffs, those are the posts that are published on the all the blogs..People like them as they stay in sight and slowly float away, liking them, following them.
But when they are out of sight, does it mean they have died, fading away in to obscurity? Father asked him..
Your posts just like those seeds have really just gone in search of their destiny, Father said to him, in search of new ground, where they will anchor and fulfill their destiny..
What you have described as a digital grave Father explained to him, is actually a miraculous mine, your posts are the gems that this beautiful mine holds.
That mine is richer than even King Solomon’s mine because it holds riches far greater than any other mine can ever hold.
The mine holds the testimony of someone’s love. It holds lessons learnt over a lifetime by some one..
It holds the wisdom of people who have loved and lost, fought and been defeated, of those people who have fallen but have shown the courage to stand again.
This beautiful mine holds stories of amazing success people have achieved, stories that can inspire others to do the same..
The mine is richer than King Solomon’s mine because you can mine it all you want, but you can never empty it, in fact the mine only grows richer every day..
So you see son, what you had seen as an End, what you had seen as a grave is really a heavenly garden, full of beautiful flowers from all over the world.
Flowers that enrich people’s lives with their vibrant colors, bring peace to people’s lives with their fragrance..
So there it was, father’s wisdom had again helped change his perspective..
**Written in third person because the wise people at WordPress so willed it..
Now here’s something that might interest you I said to my blog, an opportunity to write your own obituary..
Oh how appropriate it exclaimed..since we do really die such untimely unsung deaths! Thank you it said before launching into this eulogy..
Here in the digital coffins of wordpress servers lies the brave blog who so selflessly strode in to the world… carrying a smile for someone, a few unshed tears for another.
It went out in to the world offering hope and inspiration, spreading laughter and joy, wisdom and love..
It marched on.. Carrying the sad story of someone’s betrayal, of the few intimate and emotional moments shared with a loved one.
Carrying a dream for someone and a dream come true for another…
It strode on, never once seeking glory for itself, selfless in its service, relentless in its journey.
It took in everything with equanimity…
The adulation and praise, the “likes”, the “follows” that were part of its early life. The glory of it sunrise..
The ignominy of people moving on right after… the loneliness of it sunset.
Here in its digital grave lies the brave warrior.. praying that its soul does live on ..
in the heart of the one who created it and in the many hearts of the ones who enjoyed it.
Father I am confused, I said sitting down next to him. For a while now I had been disturbed, I don’t know what I want I told him. Its like I once set out on this journey, all excited, raring to go and now suddenly halfway through I seem to be unsure of the destination. I feel incomplete I told him, sounding a bit distraught.
Father just looked at me lovingly, don’t worry son, I have just the thing for you he said handing me something.
Here take it with you, it’s my magic mirror he explained. As I looked at it, all I could do was stare back at him in disbelief..
Because his magic mirror was not even a mirror It was actually almost a mirror..it seemed to have done everything right, gotten a beautiful wooden frame, was just the right size, the ideal shape but seemed to have changed its mind about becoming mirror at the last minute.
It had everything going for it, except for the glass that would make it a real mirror!, but, there was no arguing with Father. I just picked it up and walked home wondering how this piece of wood was going to help me.
So there it sat all day on my table, with me trying to figure out Father’s mysterious ways. Just when I had begun to doubt father’s wisdom, I realized that I was being unfair to it. Maybe all the while that I was trying to get it to inspire me, it was probably waiting for me to do the same. It was probably looking for a help from me, something that would transform it, making it what it really had wanted to be.
I tried different things, tried on my best suit in front of it, put up my best smile, tried to look happy but alas, nothing worked.
Its own incompleteness a constant reminder of the incompleteness I felt within..
Then one day just I had almost given up hope, I happened to chance upon a weekly challenge at wordpress.. the challenge being to write about “the moment that changed your life” and something told me this was it..
I wrote my very first blog, I felt a glow inside me as I hit the publish button.. just as I was enjoying that beautiful feeling I realized that Father’s mirror had suddenly lit up and there it was finally, my reflection!
Father’s incomplete mirror had helped complete me, it had help me discover the real me..
All along while I had tried my best to get it to reflect me it had waited patiently for the real me..
I realized that up until then, all the “perfect” mirrors around me had just shown me shallow reflections, incomplete images while Fathers “incomplete” mirror had shown me a complete image, a beautiful vision..